Personal Journey

I felt like I should probably share my personal journey and why I made this site. For years I struggled with my mental health issues and felt lost in what to do. Even with therapy and medication management, I would feel stuck and like I can't get back to living life the way I want.

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Eventually, I learned about spoons and realized that finding ways to get my spoons back can save me in a way. So that's why I made this site. I also want to share a little bit of my struggle in case it provides you with any kind of support. I'll break it down by the steps I took to get to where I am.

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Step 1:

For a while, I was struggling with finding the basics. I relied on sleeping in a tent away from people and volunteered for food and water. Eventually, I realized I needed more help and reached out to people I had distanced myself from in the past. During my time staying with them, I was able to find a job and thus a better way to live.

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Step 2:

My struggles with this step were physical and environmental safety primarily. I lived and worked in a dangerous area and felt uncomfortable walking around. I took free self-defense classes I found through Facebook, bought a small taser, and purchased extra locks for my home. 

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I started to save like crazy, spending only on the necessities, until I had enough to move away. I also got help from my employer in relocating to a different city.

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I also struggled with financial security. I did extra work online through random gigs and briefly had a second job. I also pursued free online certificates to add to my resume, which helped me find a better job.

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Step 3:

This is actually still something I am working on. My family has never felt like a family. I grew up in a very dysfunctional traumatic situation. But I re-assessed if there was anyone in my family I could reconnect with. 

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My brothers and I reconnected as adults, and we've been slowly finding ways to stay in each others' lives and strengthen our relationships. 

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I searched for a new family, a chosen family, through friends. This was a very long process and I only just recently found friends I could trust and feel at home with. I tried different methods to find friends, such as support groups for mental health and chronic health conditions, Meetup and Facebook groups for various activities, and posting to my city's Reddit to see if people wanted to watch movies together.

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While doing this, I made sure to always meet in a public place for safety and to always meet during the day. Eventually, some of the friends I made online became my really close friends, and we now hang out weekly.

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Step 4:

This is also a step I am still working on. Partly because I have chronic physical and mental health issues, but also partially because I haven't figured out what things speak to me.

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Health-wise, I realized certain things were consistently bringing me pain. I saw a primary doctor who referred me to specialists. It took a while to find a specialist that I felt heard me and was helpful. It also took me a while to find mental health professionals that made me feel safe as well. This is mostly under control now.

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The issues I struggle with neurological issues and a couple of immune disorders. Mental health-wise I struggle with depression, PTSD, bipolar, anxiety, and severe stress.

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To address these issues I see a neurologist and specialty immune doctors. I have therapy weekly and use techniques such as CBT(cognitive behavior therapy), CPT(cognitive processing therapy), DBT(dialectical behavior therapy), and meditation. I also make sure to exercise regularly because it's a great way to manage stress and provide my brain with happy chemicals.

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When it comes to figuring out my "me-ness" I've been taking note of anything that sparks some joy within me. Even when it comes to small things. I haven't fully figured out what my sense of style and self is, but I experiment with lots of things to try to find out. There are a few things that I know for sure, such as my love for comedies (Community, The Office), my enjoyment of dancing and walks, and my love of the color red. It's not much, but it's a start.

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Step 5:

I'm nowhere close to having this step figured out. But that's okay. I anticipate this step to be something I'll be working on my entire life. I used Ikigai as a way to estimate what might be my purpose.

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I'm not particularly good at anything and therefore don't really know what I can be paid for. But I know that I have a passion for helping people navigate their mental health journey and that I think the world needs that. But like I said, I'm nowhere close to figuring this out, and that's okay.

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I hope this was helpful for you and that it can provide you with hope or support on your mental health journey.