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Step 4: Your Youness

Roller Skates
Your You-ness --

Your 'you-ness' is what makes you you. It's your unique style, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. Things that make you feel like yourself. 

There are a lot of things that fall under this umbrella, but here I'll explore a few things: style, hobbies, and free time.

Style is pretty straightforward, I'll talk about ways to try to identify your desired look. Hobbies are also pretty straightforward, finding things that you enjoy doing for fun. But then free time may seem redundant next to hobbies, but it's actually about what you can do to occupy your free time even when you don't actually have any hobbies yet.

Style --​

Personal style can be presented in lots of different ways. For me, I think of hair, skincare, makeup, clothing, accessories, home, and personality. Which is a lot. And I'm still working on most of these. But here are some things you can do to identify these elements. 


Take a mental note anytime you see something you like in a show, movie, online, or even in the grocery store. Try making a board on Pinterest with a lot of these images to help you figure out what your style leans toward.

For hair, find out what hair type you have and go from there to figure out how to style it. You can enhance your natural hair texture with various products, or look into styling tools to change it up. There are also ways to change your hair's texture and look through various techniques such as keratin treatments, smoothing treatments, weaves, wigs, perms, and more. A hairdresser will be able to help you identify which of those you might want to pursue.

There's also no right answer to your hair. You can change it up as often as you'd like. Just make sure that you're protecting your hair and preventing damage to it.

For skin care, you'll want to make sure you're doing one thing even if your skin is flawless: sunscreen. Sunscreen will help protect your skin from the sun's intense UV (ultraviolet) rays, which can damage your skin and can even result in skin cancer. An important thing to note, however, is that sunscreen won't protect you 100%. So you'll want to re-apply regularly and still be mindful of your time in the sun.

For all other skincare concerns, try a few gentle over-the-counter cleansers and serums, and do some online research on what might work well for you. And if that doesn't work, try to find a dermatologist that can help address your concerns.

For makeup, you'll want to start from a similar process. Find out what your skin tone and undertones are to know what kinds of products will work best with your color palette. Also, make sure that whatever products you choose are okay with any skin issues you may have. Look for makeup inspiration and practice at home a few times before deciding on what look is best for you.

For clothing, accessories, and home, you'll want to look at your saved image boards and anything that stood out to you. If you have the budget, try shopping sustainably and spending on quality pieces that last longer. If your budget is limited, shop wherever you can, but be mindful not to buy excess items you might not need and will hardly use.

For personality, also keep an eye out for people that you feel similar to and want to emulate. Surround yourself with people who match up with this. Read or watch things that align with the personalities you want. And find ways to nurture and strengthen the traits within yourself that you love.

Something I want to point out though is that despite what things might work best or look best for you through the links I attached, ultimately you do you. Because after all, this is about your you-ness. So if you like something that doesn't necessarily match up with the guides, that's totally fine. You rock whatever makes you happiest!

Hobbies --​

Finding a hobby that speaks to you can be very difficult. Many people take years before they find something that they truly enjoy during their spare time. I suggest you do the same thing I mentioned a few times above, research. Take note of what hobbies look interesting that you see, read, or hear about. Try them out wherever you can. Some places will offer free introductory classes for different hobbies.

You can also try thinking back on what you liked to do as a kid. Often times our likes and dislikes from childhood can still have a hold on us, and the same applies to hobbies.

Free Time --​

If you don't have any hobbies but have some free time to kill, try spending that time growing yourself as an individual. Learning is a beautiful way to do so. Read, watch interesting videos, take online courses, or just pick a random thing and try to learn it.

You can also spend your free time getting to know yourself better. Take yourself out on a date. Or spend some time finding things that appeal to your personality or style.

And of course, there's always basic adult maintenance stuff. Doing laundry, cleaning, dishes, etc. I recommend that once a month you spend a few hours deep cleaning your home. Then every night after that do a quick tidy-up before you go to bed, making it a lot easier to keep your home clean. Wash your pillowcases every night, towels after a few uses, bed sheets once a week, vacuum once a week, and quick toilet scrubs every few days.


  • Do some research on what kind of style you like.

  • Find out the basics about your skin type, skin tone, body type, and hair type before figuring out the next steps.

  • Experiment with different hobbies to see what you like.

  • Reflect on what hobbies you had as a kid, and see if you'd enjoy them now.

  • Spend free time growing yourself as an individual. 

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